


Left Behind by Death

by Ranowa



Series: The AU in which Hughes Lives [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Coma, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Illustrated, Maes Hughes Lives!, Roy can't leave well enough alone, We all love Ed, angsty angst, it's one of those
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 22:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10449483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranowa/pseuds/Ranowa
Summary: "It's strange, isn't it. How easy it is, for us foolish alchemists to create life."





	

**Author's Note:**

> conceptualized, written, and edited all in ten hours. really more like five. not sure what my brain spat out but it is now 430 AM, i've been studying for days, i'm tired, but i think i like this so? here. i bring angst.
> 
> Illustrated by the lovely maeshughesofficial; check his stuff out, it is wonderful and full of feels!

"Don't die."

"Please, _please_ don't die."

* * *

"He's won't wake up. Why won't he wake up?"

"He's... v-very sick, dear. He n-needs to- to sleep. Remember? I told you, he's very sick, so he needs to sleep for a while before-"

"But it's been a week, Mommy!"

"...I know."

"You can't sleep for a week, Mommy! Daddy, Daddy, you can't sleep for a week! You have to wake up! _Daddy!"_

* * *

"Elicia's going to stay at home for now. I'm sorry, but... I don't think she can handle seeing you like this. I... Maes..."

"I can't either."

* * *

"Wake up."

"Please, _please,_ wake up."

* * *

"I didn't realize you still..."

"Every Saturday."

"That's a long train ride."

"Hm."

...

"I want to say that he'd do it for me. But somehow, I don't think he'd have to. He'd have found some way to nag me awake weeks ago, and even- no... did you know he stopped three attempts on my life, Gracia? It was just after Ishval, anti-war groups- he somehow managed to investigate and stop them before they ever even got close to me. ...I never thought he'd be the one who... I never thought... I couldn't do it for him."

"You know that's not fair, Roy."

"...He... was calling me."

"What?"

"...When he got shot. He was calling me. It's why he's- like this. He was trying to tell me something, and they shot him for it."

"...Roy..."

"I'm so sorry, Gracia."

* * *

"They never found the one who did this to you."

"Roy promises he'll do it. Roy promises... well, he tells me he's going to get justice, but I think he's just being polite, you know?"

"There's no way to say that you're going to murder someone. Not in polite society."

"I... I want to tell him he doesn't- I mean. I know it's not because he feels obligated. But, I want to tell him... _ask_ him to stop. Please understand, I want him to succeed, desperately so, but- I'm terrified. It's just... Elicia really needs him right now- he comes every Saturday, did I tell you that? He comes back to the city every weekend and after seeing you he comes over to see Elicia. I really think it's good for her. And it's good for him, too- I can tell he's not eating right, or sleeping, so at least I can get a good meal in him, and- ...well. I'm sorry."

"...If these people kill Roy, too, we'll... we'll be all alone."

"...Please wake up, Maes."

* * *

"Do you usually talk to him?"

"Yes. I think it's because I can't bear the silence, though."

"Can he..."

"Hear us? I don't know, Roy. The doctors say that it can't hurt, to talk to him- which is ridiculous, because it _does_ hurt, but it doesn't hurt _him_ and that's all that really matters. In the beginning I really, honestly believed that if I just kept talking, kept talking and never stopped, he'd eventually come back to me... b-but..."

"It's been months, now."

"...y-yeah."

"And he's still not back."

"...yeah."

...

"Do... do you talk to him?"

"I..."

"You never were the talkative one in that relationship, were you."

"...I'm sorry, I know it's selfish. But it's just..."

"I understand, Roy."

...

"You know, I... when the doctors said that maybe he could hear us, at first I couldn't stop talking. It hurt so much but I couldn't let myself stop, like if I somehow let even one day go by without him having someone with him he'd give up. But it's been... months, and... he never talks back, and I just- I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I can't help but think? What if he _can_ hear us but something's broken in his head and he doesn't understand what we're saying or, or doesn't remember anything, or-? He lost so much blood, Roy, and his heart, it _stopped,_ what if he's, h-he's braindead and we just don't know it? Or what if I tell him Elicia's doing better in school again now and he doesn't even know who that _is?_ What- what if something's not right in his head and he _can't_ wake up, what if he's in pain and he's got no idea what we're saying to him and all this is is just prolonging his suffering for _our sake?_ What if-"

"Gracia, Gracia. You can't think like that-"

"But he's not waking up. He _won't._ "

"But he-"

"This isn't a storybook, Roy! This isn't a radio drama or a fairytale or- I know what the doctors tell me, don't pretend like you don't. When it's been _months,_ there's no hope anymore. It's only the miracle cases that wake up and they're called miracles for a reason, Roy. They don't happen. I've heard all the platitudes, all right, I've heard everyone say that I can't lose faith, that he's strong and he'll beat this, that he loves me and he'll never stop, and you know that _really_ loses it's charm when it has been _three months_ and he hasn't moved a finger. You can tell me _he's strong_ all you want; that didn't prevent his heart from stopping. That didn't prevent him from going into a coma. That didn't make an impenetrable shield to stop that bullet. The fact that he loves me isn't somehow magically going to overcome whatever isn't right in his head. He's _not_ waking up and- and h-he- _I-"_

"...Gracia."

"...God... _I miss him... Maes..."_

"I'm scared, too, Gracia."

" _M-Maes... please..."_

* * *

"...Hey."

...

"...I'm sorry. I'm- not sure what I'm supposed to say."

...

"I lost my men."

"No, I'm sorry- they're not dead. They're all right. We've just been... disbanded, I suppose. It's my fault. I was looking into those that shot you and I got too close. ...I'm going to find who it was, Maes. I swear to you that I will find him, and I will kill him."

"It's- unbelievably lonely, actually. I thought it was bad before... I think I had a mini heart attack every time my phone rang for weeks, kept hoping it'd be you, about to talk my ear off, but now- god damn, there is something exceedingly depressing about an empty office."

"I was transferred back to Central, though. So I can see you more often now. ...I know it's just so Bradley can watch me closer, but it'll come back to bite him. He shouldn't have let me so close. Last year I would've played his role of submissive officer, slipped under his thumb, but now- well, you can only lose so much before you stop caring about the consequences."

"...Sorry. I... you're normally the one who stops me from thinking like that."

...

"How... mad at me would you be, if I- well, alchemy can't raise the dead, but you're not _dead,_ so I could- I... how mad at me would you be for it?"

...

"Gracia... really misses you."

...

"I miss you."

"Wake up, you bastard."

* * *

"You're quiet today, Gracia."

"I... yes, I just... it was a late night."

"...Okay."

"You're too kind, Roy."

"Pardon?"

"You shouldn't just let people lie to you like that. You'd make a horrible interrogator."

"You... want me to call you out on it?"

"...Sorry. I... don't know. I- oh, Roy..."

"...It's all right. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Grac-"

"Elicia doesn't remember her father."

...

" _What?"_

"She... she doesn't... _god,_ I never..."

"H-how- can she not-"

"I took her here once, and she was so _upset,_ Roy. She couldn't stop crying for hours. I told myself- god, that was back when it first happened, and no part of me actually _believed_ he wouldn't wake up so I said I'd just give her some time, but, really, what I meant was I'd wait until he was awake. And then he never woke up- and, god, Roy, look at him! He doesn't look like he's asleep, he looks like he's _dying!_ He's so cold, and p-pale, he loses weight by the day, and I c-couldn't- I couldn't let her s-see-"

"But that doesn't... how could she- even if you don't take her to see him, surely she has to-!"

"...I put all his pictures away. It hurt too much to look at them. I never... I can't even talk to her about him. It feels too much like- I'm just _conceding_ and if I start telling her stories about her father like he's never coming home, then he's _not_ ever coming home- I never thought she'd-"

"It's been four months, how could you not- how could she-"

"She's just a baby, Roy, she doesn't know, she doesn't understand!"

" _I_ don't understand!"

...

"...I'm sorry, I... please don't cry..."

"S-she... came h-home one d-day... and. And at school, they're having- some event, I don't know, for some father-daughter dance lesson. And then she said that she couldn't wait for you to come. I don't know, it just- I know you'd step in and do it for her, I understand, but the way she said it, like it was so obvious, she was so sure of herself... I asked her why she thought you'd be willing. A-and... s-she s-s-said... that..."

"Gracia, please, you don't have to-"

"' _Of course Uncle Roy'll come. He's my daddy."_

"...S-she... what...?"

"Oh, god, Roy... she doesn't understand. She doesn't- she thinks all families have a man and a woman, and the woman is the mommy and the man is the daddy, and that since you're the only man in her life now you're hers. I- I asked her- I was so angry I almost started crying- I asked her what she thought that made Maes, then, and she didn't even know who I was talking about."

"That- no- that doesn't mean-"

"I got a picture of him, Roy. I showed it to her. And she looked at it for a couple seconds, then, j-just- _oh. Him. He was my daddy, but then he went away. He's not anymore. Uncle Roy is instead."_

"Oh... god..."

"I never... thought... oh, Roy, I never meant..."

"Gracia."

"I'm s-sorry, I-"

"Next time you come to the hospital, you need to bring Elicia with you. You need to explain to her everything that you can- make sure she _knows_ that her father, her _real one,_ loves you both so much that h-he- he'd _never_ have let anything take him away from you- that _I_ am _not_ her father! I'll do whatever I can to take care of you two but I'm _not_ her father. I'm the reason he can't come home."

"Roy-"

"I know it'll be hard. I know it'll be hard for you to explain this to her and even harder for her to see Maes like this, but that doesn't matter and you know it."

"B-but-"

"If he ever wakes up, Gracia... and that is what he wakes up to... it will break his heart."

...

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to upset you, but I won't let Maes wake up to that. If you won't take Elicia to come see him, then I will, Gracia. Please tell her I will gladly accompany her to her school event, as her uncle. Have a nice evening."

...

"...I _love you,_ Maes... and I'm sorry. I'm... so, so sorry."

* * *

"Hi, Daddy."

"It's Gracia and Elicia, honey. We're here to see you."

...

"Why does he... look like that?"

"Like what, baby?"

"So... bad."

"...h-he's been very sick, for a very, very long time. Remember? He doesn't feel well, so he needs to sleep, and-"

"How can he work if he's sleeping?"

"...He can't."

"But..."

"I know, Elicia."

...

"So... Daddy didn't leave us?"

"Oh, no, baby. No. He didn't."

"B-but... I thought..."

"Listen to me, Elicia. Your daddy loves us both very, very much. He'd never leave us, not ever. But one day, he was at work, and because your daddy is very brave, he got very hurt protecting somebody. He's still very hurt, and it's taking him a very long time to get better, but he would _never_ leave us, Elicia. You mean the world to him."

"...Uncle Roy..."

"Uncle Roy is Daddy's best friend, and he loves us both very much, but he's not your father, understand? He's helping us out right now, because he cares about us, but he'll never replace your father. Some families don't have a mommy, some families, their daddies can't be there, and that's sad and unfortunate, but your daddy is not someone who can ever be replaced."

"...Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Why are you crying?"

...

"Can you not tell Uncle Roy this, Mommy?"

"Elicia?"

"...I... didn't think he was as good a daddy as my daddy. He tries to be happy, but I know he's not. He makes me sad. I... I missed my Daddy."

"Oh, Elicia..."

...

"I brought you a picture, Daddy. Here you go. I made it in class. We were supposed to draw pictures of our families- there's me, and there's Mommy, and there's the puppy we've gotta get, and there's-... well... Uncle Roy saw it before, and he asked about it, and I felt bad, so I said it was him. But it's not him, it's you. ...Here, you keep it. Mommy-"

"The nurses said it's fine. Here, I'll hang it up. Hear that, Maes? It's right over here, right next to you. You'd love it. You'd call her the next Picasso."

"Mmm! But you have to open your eyes so you can see it, Daddy. Oh! Miss Scieska came by the other day. She played with me and gave me a book, said if I ever felt lonely I should read it, cause that's what she did when she was a kid. It didn' have any pictures, though. The cover was pretty, I guess."

"It was a college textbook on Kantian philosophy, Maes. That girl is strange."

"And, and Big Big Brother Al and Little Big Brother Ed, I saw them too! It was so much fun, it was Saturday so we got to play all day- and Al showed me how to make a flower! The way he does it, you know, with the circles, and the- alchemy, that's it- _oops!_ I wasn't supposed to say!"

"It's all right, dear. As long as you don't try alchemy on your own, I'm okay with it. Wait- so that's where you got those flowers you gave me?!"

"I said Al made em! I didn't lie!"

"Well... no, you didn't, baby, but-"

"Can I make some for Daddy? Al helped me memorize the circle, it was really simple, can I try?"

"Elicia, what did I just say?"

" _Mommy!"_

"...All right. But not today. I want to talk with Ed or Al, maybe Uncle Roy first."

"Okay- next time I'll make you a flower, Daddy, all on my own! Just you wait and see! Mommy, can we come back tomorrow?"

"Well, then that flower might have to wait-"

"You can call Uncle Roy tonight!"

"...All right. If he's free, Elicia."

...

"It's late, Elicia. If you want me to be able to call Uncle Roy when we get home, then we should hurry up and head home. Kiss Daddy goodbye, now."

"Goodnight, Daddy!"

"...Goodnight, Maes."

* * *

"Daddy, Daddy-

"Good morning, Maes."

"-we're back! I- Mommy-"

"Here you go, baby, here it is."

"I've got my circle! I drew it all by myself and Uncle Roy said it was perfect and everything! Remember, I said I'd make you a flower- I can do it! Mommy, Mommy, can I?"

"Absolutely."

...

" _I did it!"_

"Oh, Elicia... it's gorgeous."

"Look, look, Mommy- it worked!"

"Maes, it's _beautiful."_

...

"Elicia, w-why don't you go back outside, ask the nurse if she can help you find a vase, so we can leave those flowers here with him?"

"Be right back!"

...

"I... really, really wish... you could see this, Maes. You'd love it. ...You'd love it _so much."_

"...Please open your eyes."

* * *

"Well, look at that. She made the flower after all."

"Gracia wasn't too thrilled. She doesn't want Elicia to become an alchemist. But Elicia was dead set, and I convinced her that there's no harm in a flower or two. Don't worry, I'd never teach her beyond that, not without your permission."

"...It really is well done, Maes. You'd have taken a dozen pictures if you could've and probably broken my office door, you'd be so excited to show me. I think I'm proud of her, too, actually. Heh, what about that. You're rubbing off on me."

...

"It's strange, isn't it. How easy it is, for us foolish alchemists to create life. Because a flower's alive, isn't it? It eats sunlight, it drinks water, it grows, makes new little baby flowers; it even dies, some day. If that's not life, I don't know what is. And us fools, we're not supposed to be able to create life, Maes- but there it is. It's so simple, a child can do it."

"I know why, of course. It's because flowers don't mean anything to us. There's no equivalent exchange in it. We crush flowers underfoot by the dozens every day and don't care. That _life_ means nothing to us, so the Gate hands it over without question. The... the kind of life that matters, though... it matters so much that there is nothing, ever, that can be equivalent to it."

"Fullmetal told me that, anyway. He hunted down my apartment, the brat, wanted to chuck his report at me on a Sunday so he could go ahead and head out early the next morning. I... happened... to have been reading something when he came in. One of my old books, on... on how I could bring you back."

"He wasn't pleased."

"I don't- I- I wasn't actually going to do anything, Maes. Really, I wouldn't. You don't have to worry, I'm not... god."

...

"Can you even hear me, Hughes? Has anything that any of us has ever said gotten through to you at all?"

...

"Gracia's... so miserable. She... I try to do what I can for her, and Elicia, but I mean, I'm- I'm not _you._ I try, but it just doesn't work. I'm just as scared as she is and she knows it. Hell, maybe I'm even more scared. God, Hughes, this limbo, it's- it's fucking _horrifying._ Not knowing if there's anything even left of you here, if there's any chance at all, or if you're in pain, or you know what's going on around you- god, if you can hear me being such a sap right now, I apologize-"

"...sometimes, I... think it would've been easier, if you... had died."

...

"I'm sorry. I'm morbid today. But... with reason, I suppose."

"We're about to- do something. Soon. Against the homunculi. We figured out what their plan is... though something tells me you figured out what their plans were a long time ago. But we know, now, Hughes. And we're going to fight back. One last stand, for Amestris. And we're _going_ to win."

"It's going to be dangerous. Really dangerous. I... I mentioned to Gracia that now would be a very good time, to take a vacation to Xing. My mother's about to leave the city; could help her and Elicia make it. But Gracia..."

"She won't do it."

"She's thinking of sending Elicia, still, but she said she can't bear to leave. She said she's going to be here with you, the night that it happens. It's fitting, I guess. You'll... both die together. Wait, I don't mean that like it sounds- you... well, you'll see. You'll both die, but if our plan works... not for long."

"...Listen. This might be the last time I get to talk to you before then. I haven't told Gracia this, I haven't mentioned it to anyone else- hell, I've got no idea if it'll work. But, on the Promised Day, if we're right, the homunculi- they're going to suck out everyone's souls. _Everyone's._ Mine, Gracia's... yours."

"Our plan, he'll only hold onto them for a few seconds, then we'll force him to give them all back. With everyone else, it should work fine; only a couple seconds shouldn't end in any permanent harm, but... I'm hoping..."

"I'm hoping that'll kickstart you into waking up."

"It's stupid, isn't it? There's no real reason it should. Fullmetal would laugh; what science is there behind that? There isn't any. But... I..."

"I have to hope, don't I? I have to. There's... nothing else left to try."

...

"... I have to go, Maes. Like I said, this is probably the last time I'll be able to see you before the battle. I... hope it's the last time I have to see you like this, ever. I really hope that."

"Well. I suppose this is it, then. Wish me luck, Maes."

...

"Right. Good luck to you, too."

all art by the lovely [maeshughesofficial](https://maeshughesofficial.tumblr.com/)

* * *

"It's me again, Maes. The Promised Day is over. We won."

"You didn't."

* * *

"I can't do this anymore."

* * *

"Get your hands off-"

"Mustang-"

" _Fullmetal-"_

" _Shut the hell up!"_

"Get away from me."

"What the hell is this?! What the hell are you _doing?!"_

"I think you know exactly what it is, Fullmetal."

" _What's wrong with you?!"_

"Something that I'm about to fix."

" _Mustang!"_

"You can't stop me, Fullmetal. I know what I'm doing, and so help me, if I have to incapacitate you to do it, I will. It wasn't possible, this, I couldn't do this before- but I've seen the Gate now. I've learned. I can do this-"

"You fucking idiot, if you'd actually opened your eyes and _looked_ at what the Gate showed you, you'd know _this isn't possible!_ How the fuck can you have seen the Gate and still, be, so, _stupid?!"_

"Fullmetal-"

"You can't bring back life. You can't! Can not! In any way! It can't be done! It's not possible! You- oh shut your mouth, Mustang, you about to tell me Hughes isn't dead? Funny, because that circle looks damn well like human transmutation to me!"

"But he's _not_ dead- as long as he's not, as long as his heart's still beating, it'll work, I can trick the Gate-"

" _No, you can't!"_

" _You did!"_

" _No, Mustang, I didn't!_ You fucking idiot, I didn't trick anything, if I had then Al would have his body back and I'd still have my alchemy. I didn't trick anything, I bartered something. You _can not_ trick the Gate. Truth lives by equivalent exchange, and if you go there with this array, arrogant and smirking and so sure of yourself, he will devour you. You want to do that to Gracia and Elicia, Mustang? You want them to come in here and find you with your head chopped off or your stomach on the floor or your limbs all gone? You want to put them through that?"

...

"You- can't believe- _you're such a selfish fuck!"_

"...Shut up, Fullmetal."

"No- you were actually going to do this! You _idiot_ if I hadn't realized you'd be dead now! Look at this shit array, you'd be _dead!_ Didn't you fucking learn from our mistakes, Mustang?! Didn't you _learn_ that the cost of being arrogant, and stupid, and _selfish_ is your _life?!"_

...

"It's not for my sake."

"What?!"

"You called me selfish. Believe it or not, Fullmetal, I'm not doing this for myself."

"Don't you dare lie, don't act like Gracia would want this-"

"It was Elicia's birthday last week. She turned six. She spent it in this hospital room, making those flowers for him, over and over, watching her father waste away. She said her one wish was for her father to stop sleeping, so her mom could smile again. Do you know she doesn't even remember him, Fullmetal? I asked her, the other day. She barely even remembers her father was anyone but that man slowly, steadily dying in his sleep. I don't think he even heard a word we said to him all day."

"...That's..."

"This. All of this. It is _not_ what he would've wanted. He would not have wanted to live this way. And I can't stand another second watching him die like this, not anymore. Not now that Bradley is gone and I've got nothing else- not now, that I can fix it."

"...Look. Mustang. You can't-"

"I can, Fullmetal. You may not like it, it may not be legal, it may not even be _right,_ but I can."

...

"So... you're really doing it for him. Not for yourself."

"Yes."

"...Shut the door."

"Wha-"

"Shut your mouth, Mustang, and shut the door."

"What are you-"

"If you're going to do this, one way or another, the least I can do is help you out and give you a shot at actually making it work."

...

"Your array, it really is fucking stupid, Mustang, you'd kill yourself, but if you just- here-"

"What the hell is _that-"_

"This is life and death, Mustang. And there's only one way to barter with Truth, about life and death."

"I'm not making a Philosopher's Stone- Fullmetal! I won't do that-"

"Not even out of yourself?"

"What?"

"You can use your own soul, Mustang."

"I... what? That's... that can't be possible-"

"I know it is, because I've already done it."

...

"I'll guard the door. Go as quick as you can and don't you _dare_ change a single line in that array. And... Mustang?"

"Yes?"

"Truth took your eyesight, that first time, as a warning. He knew you'd been forced into it and he went easy on you. If you go through with this, he won't be easy on you again. You're about to do the most arrogant thing a human can do, and if you got _anything_ when you went through the Gate, you should know that Truth hates arrogance."

"I..."

"I'm saying that you'll be lucky if the _only_ thing you lose is your vision, this time, Mustang."

"...I don't care, Fullmetal. Ed."

"...You know that if Hughes... if his soul really isn't here anymore... it won't work. You'll kill him, and yourself."

"If there's really no chance of him ever recovering, Ed, then I think he'd rather die now, anyway."

"He wouldn't want to take you with him."

"You'd do it for Al."

...

"Don't die, Mustang."

"I don't plan on it."

...

"Hold on, Maes. Just hold on, one last time."

* * *

" _Ah... h-hah... ahhh... AHHHHH! Holy- ahhhhh-!"_

"Mustang- _Mustang!"_

"W-wait... I'm fine... check on h-him- see if..."

"Holy fuck, just wait, wait a second, don't die, I'm going to get a doctor, don't die-"

"Wait- Hughes- check- Ed...?"

"Damn it... Maes... Maes, Maes..."

"Maes, I c-can't see you. Please. Pl... ah... please say something if you're awake. _Please._ Maes..."

"Oh, god..."

"No, no... please... please, y-you have to say something... no..."

"No, oh, g-god... no... I killed you. I killed you, I killed you. Oh, god. No. No, please, Maes, you can't- god I'm sorry. I'm _sorry_ , I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Maes, please, I-"

"...M... Maes?"

"Do it again- Maes, if you can hear me-"

"Maes! Maes, I can't see you, you have to say something! Maes, Maes, please! _Please say something!"_

"R... oy..."

* * *

The first thing he feels is two arms, wrapped firmly around his stomach, so firmly it hurts, one dark head pressed facedown against him, and the blood spilling across his chest.

The first thing he hears is him weeping in abject, breathless, unadulterated joy.

The first thing he sees is a clumsy, misshapen, wilted bouquet of white flowers, left in a vase in the corner, growing tall, and stretching towards the sun.


End file.
